On life, death, and July.

Well friends, I'm afraid I'm not feeling very wity tonight. I hope you don't mind me not being funny, I guess I'm just not there right now. Sorry!

I'm depressed. There are different reasons, but I think part of it is the time of year. For those who read my poetry too, go back and re-read "Fall", and you'll understand a bit more. When fall comes, I get depressed, and I don't know why. It sucks, it happens every year, and every year it seems to be a little bit worse. I wish I knew what to do about it, but I can't seem to break out of it enough to care.

Another part of the problem is my dreams. I've been having crazy dreams lately, and I've woken up in tears way too often lately. Some of them are really strange, I could keep a shrink in business for YEARS trying to figure them out. What's worse is that I remember them, all day long, and they continue to bring me down until I go to sleep again. What kind of life is this?

I've been thinking about death a lot lately (no, not mine, put down the phone). This is normal for me, I always think about death a lot, but for some reason it's different now. Instead of thinking about death vaguely, in terms of what it is, I've been thinking about it in terms of personal loss. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I miss my friends, and I'm so tired of funerals. I've been the "survived by" for so many people, sometimes I wonder if there will be anyone left to survive me.

Finally, I'm depressed, and scared, and excited, and so many other feelings that it's hard to describe. The book is almost done. The cover is finished, and it looks amazing! Rebecca Edwards Wilson did such a great job on it, I can't wait to show it to you all. Well, actually I'm GOING to wait to show it to you! Hahaha!

I'm doing one final edit on the text to make sure that it is exactly what I want, then I'll be sending it off to the printer to have a test copy run. Yeah, we're seriously that close to being done! I've got to be honest though, I'm really torn about it. There's part of me that says it still isn't good enough, and part of me that really doesn't want to release it to anyone else. Anyone who has had children, I think, knows what I mean with this; for so long, this book has been my life (to the regret of my girlfriend), I've poured every last piece of me into its pages, and now that the end is in site, I'm not sure that I want to let it go. What will I do now???

I have (finally) come up with a (kind of) solution to the problem of having the books autographed. It's two-fold, so bear with me...

If you live in the US or Canada: order the book and have it shipped to you. Read it (no, really, READ IT, there's some good stuff in there). When you're ready, ship it to Rebecca Wilson (send me an e-mail, I'll give you the address) with $5 to cover the postage (we'll cover shipping it from her to me, the $5 is to ship it from me back to you). I hate to ask, but I'm (quite literally some days) a starving artist, and I just can't afford the postage. Anyway, she'll sign it, send it on to me, I'll sign it, use your $5 to package it back to you, and you'll have a personalized copy of my book! And yes, it will be different to each person, I'm not going to use a stamp or anything (so lame that authors do that).

If you live OUSIDE the US or Canada: order the book, but have it shipped to Rebecca Wilson. Send me an e-mail with your address (to let me know you ordered, to know where I'm sending it, and to get Rebecca's address). I'll figure out what the shipping will be and let you know...

Of course, if you DON'T want a personalized copy (think of my poor writing hand!), that's cool too, you can order it and just have it shipped to you (anywhere in the world). My feelings won't be hurt, honest, I'll be so happy that you're reading it! :)

Ok guys, I feel a little better now, and I have a TON of work left to do, so ta-ta for now!