On copyright, Mickey Mouse, and chili

Good morning friends! What a beautiful day it is today! The rain has stopped (for now), everything is slightly soggy, and the first copy of my book was shipped yesterday. If the USPS stays as efficient as always, I should have it by tomorrow. Oh, who am I kidding, I can't keep that up... It'll probably be Monday or Tuesday before it gets here, assuming they don't lose it, or ship it to Alaska instead. No wonder I prefer to do everything by e-mail!

You may have noticed a new link on my sidebar. It goes to Defective-By-Design, a company that is protesting Digital Rights Management (DRM). What is DRM you ask?

DRM can be used on ANY digital media that you purchase. This includes music and movies purchased over the internet, as well as CDs and DVDs. It restricts what you can do with what you have purchased, including stripping away your right to maintain a backup copy, and your right to view that media in any format you choose, using any system you choose. Why should you care? If you buy, for instance, a DVD that has DRM that isn't supported by your home DVD player, you have NO LEGAL MEANS to change it into a format that will allow you to view it, and since most places won't take returns on opened media, you are stuck with an expensive coaster.

I have to deal with issues regarding this all the time. As you know, I don't use Windows, I use Linux (and love it). However, often I find that the DRM on my DVDs won't allow me to play them on my laptop or desktop computers, because I don't have Windows Media Player installed (duh, it's not Windows!). It should be very simple to decode the DRM so that it is playable on my computer, and it is, but it is also illegal. Think about that: it is illegal for me to play media that I bought because their system is not set up to work with mine.

What is worse is that most of you have ALREADY agreed to a similar license that is even more restrictive, when you installed Windows. When you bought the Windows software (or, if it came preinstalled, when you bought the computer) you paid for it, probably a few hundred dollars. That would lead you to believe that you OWNED said software. Nope, you didn't read your EULA (End User License Agreement) closely, did you? It states very clearly that you paid for a license to operate and install the software, but that Microsoft retains ownership. How did you miss that? Well, most EULAs for Windows-based software are very long, and confusing to even people who are trained in reading contracts. You probably just clicked "OK", and didn't even think about it.

So what? What's the worst that can happen??? Well, think about it for a second: you don't own the software that is running your computer. If they choose to, Microsoft can view every activity you do on their software, as they are the owner. They can decide to revoke your license, without needing a reason, and you have to remove their software from your system, even though you paid for it, and you won't get a refund. Even worse, they can revoke your license without telling you, and then sue you for failure to comply. Is anyone starting to understand why I got away from Windows now?

Will they? Probably not. It's a worst case scenario, for sure. But if Snakes On A Plane taught me anything, it's to plan for worst case scenarios thoroughly. :)

Of course, you can't talk DRM without talking copyright. Copyright, as it stands, is the scourge of modern existence. It restricts us from using other people's work as the foundation for our own. Man, why would ANYone say that this was a good idea?

Well, they didn't. Copyright (in the US) was established by the Constitution, it was considered that important. The purpose? "...to promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries." I couldn't have said it better.

Re-read that, and think about modern copyright law. "To promote the progress", that's pretty clear. "For limited times" is even MORE clear, even though today "limited times" means "the life of the author, plus seventy years". No, seriously, that is the legal length a copyright exists for. To help compare, it was originally only 28 years MAXIMUM.

Why is copyright so messed up? I blame Mickey Mouse. Seriously, I blame Mickey Mouse. Every time Mickey comes to the end of the copyright, the time that he SHOULD be entering the public domain, copyright law is somehow magically extended again. Disney magic at work! That sweet mouse is kinda seeming like a rat bastard now, isn't he?

So, I decided that I would copyright some things too. I mean, after all, I want MY works protected too! I decided to start at my book. From here on in, "July" is copyrighted. If you wish to use this word in any publications, you must first contact me for approval. I have a very clear case here, too, July is a big part of my book, and needs to be protected from infringement!

Next, I'm copyrighting the phrase "That sucks". Hey, Paris Hilton should try this too! It's fun! Before you think I'm talking crazy, you should know this: Fox News has copyrighted "Fair and Balanced". I'll just call it my trademark like they did, and we'll be fine!

Finally, the big one. I'm copyrighting the functions of the female orgasm. I have done much research on it, and my work must be protected! Ladies, from here on, you are not allowed to have an orgasm without first contacting me and asking for approval. I will tell you now, don't even bother unless you will be thinking about me during it, I will turn you down.

Ok, that last one is a little far out there, right? RIGHT??? Well... no. Scientists are currently copyrighting sections of our DNA, the very stuff that makes us US. What it means is simple: scientist monkeys, working in labs, OWN part of you. They own it. Think about that, let it sink in. THEY OWN the BUILDING BLOCKS of YOUR EXISTENCE. FUCK!

No, I'm not really copyrighting these things. But the fact that I conceivable COULD copyright them is scary. It's even scarier to think that, someone with less morals and more energy than me one day WILL copyright them. All I ask is for license rights to the third one... :)

My work is copyrighted. I admit it freely too, I'm not ashamed to say that it has had copyright protection applied to it. Everything you are reading on both blogs, as well as the book, are protected by law. But it is a far cry from the copyright that is on that dirty rat Mickey. My protection is the "Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5" license. It's a mouthful, but it says everything it needs to!

What can you do with my work? You can copy, distribute, display, and perform it, as well as make derivative works (works based on it). The only restrictions are that you must give me credit "in a manner specified by the author" (just say somewhere that I wrote the original, and I'll be cool), you can't use it for commercial reasons (only I can do that, I need the money!), and if you redistribute my work (which is totally cool) with or without changes, you MUST grant the next users the same rights I have given you. Pretty cool, eh? In fact, if you click the license at the very bottom of the page, you can view both a summary of your rights (which I just gave you), and also the full "legal" definition of your rights. Let's see the mouse do THAT for you!

Finally, we must talk about chili. It's chili season. Everywhere near me that sells soup has started selling chili. Chili is everywhere! I love chili!!!!

Tonight, I'm making my annual pot of chili. This will be the first time my room mate has ever made chili, so I'm teaching him tonight as well. For those who have never made chili, let me tell you how easy it is. First, go to the store. Buy things that you think would go good in chili. Seriously. I don't have a recipe, I never have, I just buy things that I think would make a great chili. Some examples include beans (duh), beef, chili powder, onions, garlic, peppers, and cheese (gotta have cheese on the top!). Some examples to stay away from include chocolate (yes, I have had chocolate chili, it wasn't good), gummi bears, and tuna. Then, go home, brown your meat, chop your veggies, and throw it all into a pot. Cook. Eat. Yum! I add one extra step, and would suggest it to everyone who wants their chili to be at its best: rest overnight. This gives the ingredients in the chili a chance to get to know one another, and form permanent (and tasty) friendships. I call it bonding, you can call it whatever you want...

Have a great (and tasty) day!