Dr Sketch's Personal Life

Day 3ish

2008-11-23T20:21:00.002-05:00

Glow-in-the-Dark Mummy: I'm so happy I got to be featured again, I don't even care that I'm having to install the floor!

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Wow, those were pretty easy, once I got all of those stupid windows finished. Fucking windows.

GG: Ahh, installed and everything. Starting tomorrow, we'll be working on the porch. I sure hope there aren't a lot of small fucking pieces to fold, I'm really getting sick of it!

New Orleans Day 2+

2008-11-15T12:55:00.002-05:00

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Hot damn, it took me forever just to fold the windows for one floor of this place! I hate this mansion...

GG: First floor, doors and windows all in place. If I ever build my own house, there won't be any windows, and only one door.

GG: Second floor done, now comes the hard one. Fuck!

GG: I'm done!!! Imdoneimdoneimdoneimdone! No more windows!!!
Barricade: Ghoulie, my friend... something is missing... something isn't right...

B: And why are there leftover windows?
GG: Please don't ask that, I don't wanna know

GG: Fuck.
B: Ghoulie?
GG: I know, I know... back to work.... FUUUUUCK!!! I HATE WINDOWS!!!!

Ed note: Yes, it's been a long time since I updated. Yes, it's partially because I was playing video games and watching movies instead of working on it. To be fair though, those windows are a gigantic pain in the ass, especially the tiny ones on the third floor! I've had to use super glue to hold them all together, as my normal glue doesn't have a strong enough bond... FUCKFUCKFUCK I HATE FOLDING WINDOWS!!!

The good news is that they are almost done, and everything that is left will be much more enjoyable, meaning I won't wait a month between updates again...

New Orleans Day 1

2008-10-12T22:25:00.003-04:00

Barricade: Ahhh, the sweet smell of uncut, freshly printed mansion parts.
Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Smells like work to me...
B: Why so negative? Didn't you enjoy it last time?
GG: Have you read our old transcripts? Do you KNOW how many times I said fuck???
B: No, but parents sure did write in and complain about it...

B: One page down! This is easier than I remember!
GG: That's because you made me cut it all, jackass.
B: Watch it you! You wanna go back into the storage box again???
GG: He... heheh.... sorry about that!

GG: I wonder what "front" means"
B: Dunno. We'll figure it out when we get there I guess... Let's just get to work, and get the shell finished.

B: Wow, that went quick! Four walls down, all we've got to do is join them up.
GG: Hey Barricade... Not to be negative or anything, but.... what are all of these holes for?
B: Heh heh heh....

GG: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!

Ed note: I know, I did quite a bit all at once, and it's actually been about a week's worth of work, but I figured you wouldn't be too interested in seeing each individual wall cut and folded separately. If you really don't like it... go print your own! :)

New Mansion!!!

2008-10-12T22:12:00.002-04:00

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Barricade, does this mean what I think it means?
Barricade: Yep, I'm afraid so.
GG: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Yep, I've started a new one! While I'm getting everything ready, why don't you go ahead and re-read last years posts, to see how this thing goes:
Day 1
Day 2/3
Day 4
Day Whatever
Day Pie
Day 1/2
YesterDay
Last Day

I did the whole last one in a few days, but this one is gonna take a LOT longer; it's more complicated, and I don't have nearly as much experience on this one as I did on the other one. The plus side is that it will have a lot more posts than the old one, but they won't be as detailed...

Dr Sketch hearts The 80's!

2007-11-19T09:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, I have a SERIOUS confession to make. I'm lucky, I know you can keep a secret, you won't tell anyone, right? Ok, here it is... I.... really... REALLY.... get nostalgic for the 80s. Maybe it's just because I was still under 4' when it ended, and I look back and wonder what I would have been like if I was a teen in the 80s. Chances are, I'd be a lot older. :)

All of this isn't to say that there wasn't an abnormally LARGE amount of stupid crap during the 80s, I know there was. First of all, there were the clothes. What the HELL were you all thinking? Seriously. Ugh.

There was some good music, and a lot of crappy music too. That's what's great about retrospectives though, I can completely ignore the garbage and only listen to the good stuff. :)

High tech seriously sucked, as evidenced by all the ideas of what technology could do, seen through the movies. Think of any 80s movie that has computers in it, and compare that to what really happened with computers. Ugh. Life without the modern internet would kill me. I used to play with BBS boards a lot, back in the 80s, but having experienced the joys of HTML, I can never go back.

Ok, it sounds like I'm really ripping away on the decade I professed undying love for a few sentences back. Dammit. Let me start over.... I would have loved to be a teen in the 80s. One of my favorite sites (http://www.x-entertainment.com/ please check it out) is dedicated to the 80s. I love the movies especially, and that's what I really wanted to talk about.

I decided to sit down and actually start watching some of them all the way through. Why? I have an empty Netflix queue, and that's the kind of thing you do when you have an empty queue. :)

I picked only movies with names I recognized (if I haven't heard of it, it's not getting reviewed), and tried (with one exception) to stick to fulfill my childhood ambition to be an 80s teen by only watching teen movies. Yarg. Like a pirate.

So, without further delay, here it is....

The Breakfast Club: I admit, this is the first time I've seen this movie the whole way through. It's tough to look at this movie without my 2007 eyes, I'm trying to remember the impact it would have had in the 80s. It's a decent movie, I guess, but it reminds me a lot of Seinfeld. Why? It seems to be a movie about absolutely nothing. I don't know what I can really say more than that, you either have already seen this, or you haven't.

St. Elmo's Fire: Damn, this is another one I've heard about a lot, but never seen. It was ok, I guess. Could have been better, could have been worse. The music was great (especially the instrumental pieces), the plot was so-so, and the actors were... pretty typical. It was nice to see Demi Moore be someone who isn't perfect for once. Other than that... eh, whatever, I guess.

Short Circuit: I buried this one in the middle for a reason. See, I know this movie is crap, and isn't even technically a "teen" movie. The part of me that wants you to believe I have journalistic integrity says I should tell you how bad this movie is. But I can't, I really can't. The part of me that was a kid in the 80s, that had this as the first movie I ever owned, that memorized this movie front to back, and that used to think I could even build a robot like that if I just spent the time, tells me that if I even begin to trash on this movie it will throw itself on the floor and scream at the top of its lungs. Sorry, I can't say anything else about it, really...

Pretty In Pink: Damn, I'm really striking out here. Although I could always watch James Spader being an ass, he's so good at it. The story? Dunno, I really quit paying attention, and instead decided to spend that time using my PSP to find open wifi spots that I could glom onto with my laptop. Oh, I think Annie Potts (Jeanine from Ghostbusters) is in this somewhere, but I'm not entirely sure... I really like the song though, so maybe I should give this movie another chance sometime, if just to hear the song again...

I know I missed a lot of great movies, I only did four, but hey, if you don't like it get your own blog and write about movies yourself. Ha! I still love the 80s, and nothing will change that. Deal with it!

EDIT: Ok, I finally watched Pretty In Pink all the way through (and paid attention), and I retract everything I said before. Someone needs to be seriously punished for the ending of this movie. If I didn't have to return the disk, I'd probably use it for trap-shooting. My revised opinion: skip the movie, just buy the soundtrack and stare at a picture of James Spader for an hour and a half. It'd be much more interesting.

Day Final

2007-11-01T21:52:00.000-04:00

ED: Well, we've finally reached the last day of photos! I hope you guys have enjoyed this as much as I have!!! Most of what was left to do wasn't very interesting to watch, so I've packed quite a into these last few pics. I hope to see you all back when I start the NEXT mansion! :)

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Hey, the porch is all finished now!!! Finally, I can take a break!

GG: Guess not, now I've got to build the railings!!! :(

Barricade: Wow, you did a great job on these Ghoulie!!!
GG: Thanks, I'm just glad they're done. You gonna climb up and install them now?
B: Yep...

GG: Wow, looks awesome!
B: Ummm... Hey Ghoulie??

B: What's this piece left over? Extra or something???
GG: Conservatory Crest??? Huh?

GG: Fuck

GG: FUUUUUUUUCK!!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!

1 hour later

GG: Well, I finally got the old crest cut off the conservatory. Why the fuck didn't he include that in the directions? I didn't find out until the last page!!! ED: This is true!

GG: Well, a little surgery, and everything is fixed now!

B: Looks awesome Ghoulie! Thanks for all your hard work!
GG: Next time, please, call someone else....

Day of Yester

2007-10-25T17:38:00.000-04:00

Glow-in-the-Dark Mummy: Hey, I'm done! But wait... There's one finial left???

GM: Cool, I've got a hat!!!!

GM: So, this is what it's supposed to look like, I guess... I'm kinda buzzing from the superglue...

Barricade: I can't trust anyone to build this part but me, it's so difficult!!!

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Fuck! This piece is a real pain in the ass!!!!

GG: Umm, I guess that's what it's supposed to look like???

B: Now to put my piece on... Awesome!!!
GG: Well, it kinda fits... I guess...

B: It looks like it's finally all coming together!
GG: Yeah, about fucking time too. I'm bored! This schtick is getting old....

GG: The hell is this? Seriously, what the fuck???

GG: Oh, I get it. Fuck!

GG: It doesn't really fit together right, but fuck it, I don't wanna go back now!!!

GG: Hrm... Doesn't quite sit right, but oh well. Looks good!

Day 1/2

2007-10-18T17:26:00.000-04:00

I've got some mansion pictures too, but first I have some fun Halloween stuff to share! Enjoy!!!!

Bleeding skull candle!

Halloween Mr. Potato Head in the light...

...and in the dark!

Bat candle tub... thingie... (it came with candy!!!)

And a pumpkin thingie. It also came with candy! WOOT for candy!!!

Now back to your regularly scheduled sillyness...

GG: Yes, I finally finished the finial! Damn, that's as hard to say as it is to do!!!

GG: Fuck. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

GG: Ah, twelve fucking finials, finally finished. Fucking hell, that took like two days!

GG: The fuck? What am I supposed to do with this??? I give up....

Glow-in-the-Dark Mummy: Ahhh, I see now... I've seen year old turds that weren't as hard as this!

GM: Sweet, they're on the building, I'm done! Wait... what are the other 8 finials for?

GM: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

Yes, I fucked up and switched characters without realizing it. Oops. I blame the hours spent folding the finials (that really IS hard to say), and it's too late to go back and fix it now... Sorry!

Day 3.141593

2007-10-09T22:07:00.000-04:00

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Man, what a pain! Glad that's finally together!

GG: Got the next level of the entryway done. Wow, it's getting easier!!!

Barricade: Ok man, I'm ready for new parts. Start sending up the chimneys!

GG: Do you have any idea how hard it is to fold these little pieces with no fingers???

B: Are you sure this is right??? Sure doesn't look like a chimney to me...

B: Hrm... Still not quite right...

B: Ah! Now I see it!!!

B: I'm the king of the world!!!!

Up next: time to start making all the finials and corner pieces. As Ghoulie would say... fuck.

Day Whatever

2007-10-03T19:14:00.000-04:00

From the author: Just wanted to apologize for being late with this one. I had a lot of different pieces that required overnight drying before continuing, so I could only do a little bit every night. I figured you'd rather see them all at once than see a photo or two every night... Coincidentally, the rumors are not true, I haven't been slacking off, playing video games, and generating DVD menus instead of working on the mansion. :)

Barricade: Ok, you push that side, and I'll push this side, and we'll join the house together.
Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Ummm... I don't think we're strong enough for this. I'll go get some friends, you wait here.
B: Hurry up, I'm sick of all the delays!!!

B: Ummm, this is your idea of back-up? Another glowing guy, and my enemy?
GG: Hey, we needed the help, alright? Just deal with it.
Optimus Prime: When do we get paid?
Glow-in-the-Dark Mummy: Don't ask me, I'm on the union...
B: Fuck.

All: Push! Heave-Ho!!!
B: Ok, now just hold there until the glue dries.

B: Well, that went well! A new day, and the building is dry!
GG: Went well? We had to hold that damned thing all night. So, what's next anyway?
B: Well, how are you with heights?
GG: I'd rather die...

GG: Looks like I get to build the conservatory while Barricade is checking the integrity of the building. Better him than me, I hate heights!

B: This join looks secure. I'm glad we don't have to do this again. Now, how do I get down? Umm, actually, how did I get up here???

GG: Damn, that's a lot of little cuts!

GG: Took me damned near an hour to get this stupid roof on! Fucking tiny little pieces.....

B: Wow, you did a decent job!
GG: Umm, thanks, I guess? So, what's next?

B: The entry way. Get gluing.

GG: Fuck.

Day 4

2007-09-20T22:31:00.000-04:00

Barricade: Wow, that was a lot more work than I expected....

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Hey, don't look at me, I'm on break right now... I love this movie.

B: Man, this is going to take forever at this rate.
GG: Still on break, can't help ya, union rules and all....

B: I'll have the whole place done before he gets offa break at this rate!

GG: Shhhh, I can't hear what they're saying if you keep bitching so loudly!!!!

B: Oh that does it. I am NOT doing this whole thing alone...

B: Hey buddy, I've got a bit of a problem with a union employee over here. Could you come by and uh... straighten it out?
???: Groovy.

GG: Holy crap! Who the hell are you?
Ash Campbell: Name's Ash. Housewares.
B: Glad you came by Ash. My friend here doesn't seem interested in working anymore.
GG: Alright you primitive screwheads, LISTEN UP!

GG: Fine, I'll get back to work... How was I supposed to know you were friends with the frickin' jolly green giant???
B: Hey Ghoulie?
GG: Yeah???
B: Windows.

GG: Fuck.

Yes. I do have too much free time right now. :)

We're almost finished with the shell of the second wing. All that's left is a couple of windows, then glue it together and add the floor! WOOT!!! The downside of all this is that we're almost finished with the big, easy stuff, and are getting into the small, tedious detail work. :(

Days 2 & 3

2007-09-18T21:01:00.000-04:00

Barricade: Wow, you did a good job on these windows Ghoulie!
Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Thanks! It took forever man!!!

GG: Why exactly did you color in the floor support pieces?
B: Because, I'll know that it's there, even if I don't see it.
GG: Will you remember that you had to use two different markers, since the first one got you stoned so quickly?
B: Shut up.

B: Help me move this roof into position
GG: Damn, it's heavy!

GG: Looks great, let's move on!
B: Ummm... Something doesn't look right.
GG: Aww man....

B: See, we're supposed to cut out these dormers and put them onto the roof!

B: This doesn't look too bad! Get to cutting! I've got to go make sure that these things fit...
GG: Fuck!

B: Behold! The power of the dormer!!!
GG: I think I like the power of cheese better...
B: Do you want to be put back on window duty?
GG: Yipes! BEHOLD THE POWER!!!

GG: The roof is on, everything is glued down. I'd say we're done here!

B: Are you sure we're done? Have you seen it from this side yet?
GG: Nah, but it should be the same, right???

GG: Double fuck!

There hasn't been a lot of visible progress on the mansion these past two days, but believe me there has been a lot of work going on! Between the tiny detail cuts for the windows, the exacting folds of the roof, and the mind-bending (not to mention wrist bending) glue points for the roof and the support floor, this place is going up quick! How much more work is left? Well... a lot. Fuck.

Dr S

Day 1

2007-09-15T18:04:00.000-04:00

Barricade: Ok, just stand on the ruler so I can cut a straight line
Glow-in-the-dark Ghoul: Are you sure I weigh enough for this?

GG: Gotta color the back of certain pieces black, since it won't be covered by anything...
B: Ummm, how are you gonna get the marker lid off? Your arms are attached to your body...

B: Gluing the pieces together. Woohoo!

GG: Ok, I'll push this side, you push that side, and we'll wait for the glue to dry.
B: I hope you remembered to get quick drying glue...
GG: Ummmm.... yeah.... about that....
B: Shit, you mean we've got to hold this together for hours until it dries?

B: As punishment, you've got to cut and glue all the windows, while I cut out the openings.
GG: How bad can that be?

GG: Fuck.

GG: This is gonna take forever!!!

GG: 2 down, 6 to go... :(

B: Umm. Are you sure you're doing this right? These instructions look different from our piece...
GG: Will you quit screwing around and get back here to help????

So, 1 day in, and I haven't hit any major problems yet! If you look closely at the photo of Barricade cutting the windows, you'll see that I'm trying to keep the cross-beams intact, to add a bit to the 3D feel of the building. I couldn't do this on the other versions, as the paper was too thin to support that small of a cut. It seems to be working pretty well, as long as I pay close attention while I cut...

Hopefully I'll have more progress for you all in the near future!

Dr S

:)

2007-09-13T18:31:00.000-04:00

Glow-in-the-Dark Ghoul: Hey Barricade, whatcha doin?
Barricade: Oh, just layin' some explosive charges to destroy this old house...

GG: You can't do that! Dr Sketch spent a lot of time and effort to build that haunted mansion!
B: You obviously haven't seen what he has sitting on the kitchen table yet...

B: All the required tools to build a new, IMPROVED haunted mansion!
GG: Oooooh, he even had it printed at Kinkos!

B: Fire in the hole!

GG: One blast tore the turret off? Wow, what lame construction....

B: Fire in the hole!

GG: Damn! The whole conservatory went with one blast too!!!

B: You are a bung hole!

GG: I think the building is starting to implode... Hey wait a second, what did you say!!!

GG: Now what are we doing?
B: Well, to truly finish this off, we're gonna have to bar-b-que it!

GG: Ooooooh!!!

B: Fire: The Untamed Element, Oldest of Man's Mysteries

B: Giver of warmth, Destroyer of forests, right now *this* building is on fire.

B: Yes! The building is on fire!

B: Leave the building! Enact the Age Old drama of Self-Preservation!

GG: Barricade, I didn't know you liked Gremlins 2.
B: Shut up.

That's right folks! I decided to sacrifice my first model of the Liberty Square Haunted Mansion to the fire gods, so that I would have room to display the nice new version I'm building! Watch this space for construction photos, tips and tricks, and maybe even more from those two goofs. Maybe....

Dr S

Wow, I suck

2007-03-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't written in so long, but I've been BUSYBUSYBUSY with other fun stuff. Some things I've done...
I have been watching a ton of movies/tv series on DVD lately, thanks to Netflix. I've gotten quite a few discs of Scrubs, the entire SportsNight, starting into MST3K, and more. Even worse, I have fallen in love with Hollywood Video, where I can get previously viewed movies for dirt cheap. Even better, they always carry the harder to find movies, and I lovelovelove cult movies. Last night I went (it was my birthday, so I felt OK about it), spent $60 and got 9 movies. Some of mygreater scores: Snakes On A Plane (this movie RULES), The Omen, and (my best score) Doll Graveyard.
My best birthday present: realizing how much my girlfriend really "gets" me. SHE'S the one who found Doll Graveyard, and while a normal person wouldn't even notice it, she saw it as a movie that a wierdo like me would like. So cool! A close second would be the amazing new Zippo she got me. My new favorite lighter (and I have 10 or so different Zippos). She rocks!
Something else I've been working on.... Turning this:

Into this:

Yeah, I get really bored sometimes, but I really needed something to justify that expensive Wacom tablet, right? :)

Hope all is going well for you (whoever you may be), and just know that winter is almost over. WOOT!

Tea Reviews

2007-02-13T08:10:00.000-05:00

It snowed last night. A lot. I have spent almost an hour scooping my driveway, and there is still quite a lot left to do! Tonight it is supposed to be 1F, with a windchill of -20F. Have I mentioned how much I hate winter?

On the plus side, I think this is the typical Nebraska "last storm", which ALWAYS sucks badly. Next week it should be in the 40s and above, so we just have to wait it out. Have I mentioned how much I hate waiting? :)

Not much else is going on here right now. I'm still having fun with my wacom tablet. I have completely removed my mouse, and do everything with my pen now! My drawings are getting better, I'll put one up soon...

On to tea. I've had quite a few different teas since my last post, so I'm going to give "quick" reviews of them. I use the X-Play rating system: 1 is horrible, 2 is good but still has issues, 3 is average, 4 is really good with a few issues, and 5 is perfect or nearly perfect. And yes, I DO have all of these written out in a spreadsheet, because I'm a nerd.

Valentines: This one is a flavored tea, combining black tea with chocolate covered strawberries. I don't know how they did it, but it really works. Delicious! 3/5, but it lost a point because it's seasonal only.

Darjeeling #22: Black tea. Very tasty. It had a little bit of bitterness, but it was definitely good. This will probably become my default "black" tea. 5/5

Mango Melange: Herbal tea. This tastes a lot like Blood Orange, but it isn't quite as good, and I can't place my finger on why. 3/5, mainly because knock-offs suck.

White Monkey: Green tea. This is the best of the green teas I've had so far (only tried half of them). Very smooth, maybe just a little too subtle. 4/5

Ceylon Sonata: Black tea. Pretty weak flavored. This would probably be useful to mix with other, stronger teas, but by itself it isn't that good. 2/5

Assam Melody: Black tea. All I said in my notes was "pretty good", so who knows what I thought of it at the time? 3/5, because I can't even remember it.

Li Zi Nutcracker: Green tea. Eeew. It was... bitter isn't the right word, it just tasted... off. Almost meaty? 2/5 out of sympathy.

That's it for now! I'll have more reviews sooner or later.

More Tea and Fun With Wacom

2007-02-05T21:30:00.000-05:00

Well, I got a new shipment of tea in today. I got quite the haul this time, lots and lots of samplers!!! I'll let you know how they all are over the next few weeks, but for now here is what I got:

Herbal Sampler:
Rooibos Jasmin
Lemon Grass
Mango Melange
Berry Blues
Peppermint
Sour Apple

Black Tea Sampler:
Golden Monkey
Keemun Concerto
Pu Erh Dante
Ceylon Sonata
Assam Melody
Darjeeling #22

Green Tea Sampler:
Gunpowder
White Monkey
Li Zi Nutcracker
Sencha Overture
Spiced Green
Kukicha

All those were "prebuilt" samples, no thinking involved! I also bought an 8 oz tin of blood orange (the little sample I had before got me hooked!), and they were nice enough to throw in a sample tin of the Valentines tea for free. According to their site, it is a combination of Ceylon black and chocolate-covered strawberries... Well, we'll just wait and see about that.

So, my first tea review of the new batch: gunpowder. First off, I should admit my prejudice. I love green tea. It could be the nastiest tasting tea in the world, and I'd still like it. I don't know why, don't ask. Maybe it's because I remember drinking it at fake-Chinese restaurants when I was a kid... So with that in mind, I should tell you about gunpowder green tea. It's not bad. Definitely not the best green tea I've ever tasted, and the price reflects it: it's the cheapest of all green teas on Adagio. However, it really is not unpleasant, maybe a bit astringent, and it's much better than nothing!

It does a cool little trick in the teapot too! When you first see it, it kinda looks like a bunch of pebbles, but after sitting in water for 7 minutes it gets all fluffy! I love it when my food/beverages do tricks like this!

Ok, enough tea chat for tonight. I'm brewing a cup of Darjeeling right now, but you'll have to wait for my review. See? I can build suspense too!!!

I finally broke down this weekend and bought my geeky wet dream: a Wacom tablet. If you've never seen one, they are kinda hard to explain/describe. It is a drawing surface that translates your pen strokes into computer code. That's not the best explanation, but just go with it... It makes my digital image editing (bet you didn't know I did THAT, didja?) a lot easier than trying to use a mouse. On the other hand, it's fun to use as a REPLACEMENT to my mouse as well, since moving the pen moves my pointer onscreen. So cool!

Well, I have to go draw horns on the foreheads of some super models... Have a good night!

Dr S

More about tea

2007-01-24T11:10:00.000-05:00

Hey, finally tried the rooibos tea, so I thought I'd complete my review. It smelled and tasted vaguely like chewing tobacco. I didn't like it at all, it is definitely my least favorite "tea" out of the sample set I received. I won't be purchasing this one again, but I will be buying both chamomile and blood orange in bulk. Still on the fence with spearmint.

I was looking around the site a bit more today, and found out that I can send gift certificates to new members, so if you decide you want to try some tea from them let me know & I will hook you up with $5 off! I'll be completely upfront here: I get points for everything I buy from there, and also get 10 points for every gift certificate redeemed because of me. After 100 points, I get a $10 gift certificate, so buy purchasing with my help, you're not only saving money yourself, you're helping me save money too. Not trying to push you into buying, but if you were planning on it anyway this is a great win-win situation. :)

Well, I'm back to enjoying my chamomile.

Dr S

On getting stoned.... and tea.

2007-01-22T21:23:00.000-05:00

What a crazy freaking day it was. I had to go to the dentist today. It sucked, it always sucks, but at least I made a new friend: nitrous oxide. Mmmm... I was there for almost two hours, and I barely even noticed it! I had my headphones on, and was listening to Weird Al on shuffle, which (combined with the drugs) was very interesting. The few times I bothered to focus my eyes, I was watching billiards, then poker, then I'm not entirely sure, but there was a lot of fast movement, so I tried not to focus anymore.

I'm not sure if I liked it or not. time was... strange, to say the least. It felt like riding wave after wave of blacking out; I never went entirely out, but I was never really clear either. It just was degrees of how out and clear I was, and it really was like a wave. For a while (a few minutes, maybe a month, I dunno), I could have sworn I was going to die, but I didn't seem to mind too much. Hell, you could have told me that a five year old was going to be drilling in my mount and I doubt I would have cared!

With about ten minutes left, they started weening me off the "good stuff", and switched me to straight oxygen. That sucked, it burned, and I wasn't ready to come down yet. I think I might have begged for them to do more work, but to be honest it's not entirely clear anymore.

I started really cleaning up on my way back to work, and by the time I got there I was feeling pretty clear. I may have been talking to myself in the car, I'm not really sure...

the only thing I really remember is that at one point I really had to pee, but had completely forgotten what peeing was, and just knew I had an uncomfortable pressure somewhere past my feeling range. Since I wasn't sure how to explain this to the dentist without sounding like an idiot, I decided not to say anything. That's probably for the best, as I'm afraid of what I might have said!

Of course, that's not even the exciting thing that happened today, just a fun little aside. The best part of my day was getting home, and having this waiting for me:

What could be in the box???

Let's find out together, shall we???

That's right, it's tea! Tea, and a very cool tea pot!

In case you can't tell, that's the tea on the left, and the teapot on the right. More on the pot in a minute...

What kind of tea did I get? Blood Orange, Rooibos, Spearmint, and Chamomile. Ok, technically not tea, since it does not have real tea in it. Herbal tincture would be a better description, but then I'd just sound like an idiot!

Here's a close-up of the Blood Orange tincture. Delicious smelling!!! Kinda looks like potpourri, doesn't it?

Brewing brewing brewing. The teapot is super cool, you put your water in, microwave it, then throw the loose tea or herbs in, and let it brew a few minutes. In the case of these brews, 7 minutes at 180 degrees is the magic number.

How do you get the tea out without the leaves coming out?

Kinda hard to see here, but it goes so damned fast I didn't have time to line up a good shot. What happens is this: you set the pot on TOP of your glass, and the pressure opens up a valve that lets the liquid drain out the bottom (into your cup!) while straining the leaves up top. Then you just throw the leaves out, and enjoy.

So, my verdict? The pot is super cool, and I can't wait to try some real teas, and some other herbal concoctions in it. As for the four sample flavors I got?

Blood Orange - Kinda weak, needs 2 teaspoons full per pot of water. Pretty tasty, kinda like licking the rind of an orange. Not bad, but I probably won't buy it in larger quantities.

Spearmint - Amazing. The smell is mind blowing even before brewing, and the flavor is pretty intense. It's a great pick-me-up tea, I'm just sorry now that I drank it so late in the evening...

Chamomile - Delicious. My favorite so far, I'll probably be buying this in bulk. I like chamomile anyway, and the difference between this and that crap you buy in a bag is amazing. This will probably be something I'll be drinking every night, that's how much I love it. If I ever have a daughter, I'll name her Chamomile. Or not, if the misses says no. Damn women!

Rooibos - I dunno, I haven't tried it. I've never been a big fan of this (it's also called Red Tea, so look out for it), but maybe it's really good when it's fresh. I'll have to get back to you on this.

I generally avoid plugging other people's stuff on here, because you're here to see me DAMMIT, and I'm not sharing my limelight with just any old internet bum wandering around cyberspace. I'm making an exception: go to www.adagio.com now. NOW! Go, I'll wait....

Hmmm... Lalalalala.... I wonder how many holes I' have in my chair... Let's see, one... two... three ~CRUNCH~ three. :)

Back? Ok, cool. If you like tea, you should buy it from there, I can say that it is very fresh, and 1000 times better than anything you've ever bought in a store.... Unless you go to a tea store... and if you do have a tea store nearby, let me know how it is, I've always wanted to go to one.

Well, I've got a ton of internet out there to surf around on, so I'll be seeing you. Have a good tea-filled night, I'll see you again next time.

Dr S

PS: A quick follow up: I gave up on the dream thing. I just couldn't keep up with reminding myself to do reality checks all day long; it became impossible to get anything done. Maybe someone else out there can try it and let me know how cool it is.

Be The Bigger Nerd

2007-01-15T23:39:00.000-05:00

I want, so badly, to point at my roommate and call him a nerd. He's spent the whole night waiting until the midnight release of the expansion pack for his MMORPG World of Warcraft. They are actually having a "release party" at the store, and he's been there since around 6:00. That's 6 hours of waiting for a game. Not even a full game, just an expansion to a game he already plays.

I really really want to call him a nerd. Then I started thinking about how I spent my evening, and am I really any better?

I spent the night breaking my operating system. I did it in the guise of upgrading, but if I'm being honest I knew that there would be things I'd have to manually fix, and I looked forward to it. Some of them I expected (I have to rebuild my keyboard shortcut bindings, mouse bindings, things like that), some I didn't (took forever to get my USB hard drive running properly again), but I knew going into it that I would have to fix some things. And I did it, not in spite of the problems, but because I knew that there would be.

You see, if my system is stable too long, I get thinking about ways to make it better, and invariably they cause a lot of work for a little reward. I do it because, deep down, I enjoy spending hours at my command line writing dirty hacks to get a cheap effect to work. Sometimes I get something useful (I can now run both Flash and Java on my 64-bit laptop, even though they haven't been released for anything past 32-bits), other times I get something silly (I have a media player that manually runs 7 other media players). It's always fun to try to figure out how to get it to work.

So I started thinking, how is my nerd habit any different from his? He plays RPGs online against other people, I hack Linux. Here are some comparisons...

He talks to other players online within the game, and they all share a common interest (the game). I talk to other Linux users on web forums.

He uses massive amounts of bandwidth to run his game. Tonight alone I used more bandwidth than the average user will go through in a month.

He has clearly defined goals that, with team work, he pursues. The reward is usually minimal, but the main reward is pleasure in a job well done. I have goals that are usually clearly defined, and work with others on the web to make them happen. If I happen to meet a goal, I don't really get a reward, aside from getting something cool to run, but the high is amazing.

He kills things in his quests, usually orcs and trolls I think. I hate trolls (bastards), but I don't kill them. Instead, I kill software bugs.

He has to find creative ways to meet his end. In my world, they're called quick and dirty hacks.

He disappears for long periods of time when new expansions come out. I don't expect to see him again now for at least a week. I have, in my younger days, locked myself at my computer for days on end trying to get something to work, stopping only for food, cigarettes, and the occasional pee break.

I don't really know who the bigger nerd is in our house. I guess maybe it's all in how you look at it. Deep down, I hope that everyone out there has one hobby, one thing they like to do, that is as all-consuming as his game, and my computer. If you don't, isn't it time you become a nerd too? Find one thing that you love to do, and just do it to your best. You'll be glad you did!

Dr S

Podcasting, The Linux/Windows/Apple Connection, Could I Be Dreaming?

2007-01-09T21:19:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a long freaking time since I've posted, huh? Sorry guys, I wasn't ignoring you, I've been super busy lately! I'd promise to try to do better, but if you're smart you won't believe that any more than I do!

So I've gotten into podcasting lately. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's really awesome, you've got to check it out! A podcast is similar to a radio show, only you download it and store it on your computer (or iPod if you're like me) and can listen to it whenever. The shows I've been listening to are all tech-oriented (Diggnation, Sourcetrunk and Lug Radio), but there are a ton of other types out there, covering everything from news to sports to music to fashion... I could go on and on, but why not just search them out for yourself? :)

I spilled Mountain Dew on my laptop and now some of my keys are sticking, so I'm sorry for any typos I may have... In my defense, it wasn't my fault, my Dew literally exploded when I opened it, and hit a few the keys on my laptop even though I was at least 5 feet away. Grr!

I was at the bar tonight with my roommate (we were hungry and too tired to cook), and he said something that made me stop and think. He does phone support for internet service, and gets to answer all sorts of strange problems... Anyway, he said "How can anyone use a Mac? You can't really DO anything on them!". Well, it got me thinking, I feel the same way about Windows. How can anyone use Windows? The uses are so locked down, the whole system is so limited, you can't really DO anything useful on them. I have a feeling that people who use BSD (an incredibly powerful OS) feel the same way about Linux users (of which I am one). Dunno what that means, but I thought it was interesting enough to share...

Finally, I'm trying something new in my life. It's called lucid dreaming. Basically, it is the ability to control what is happening in your dreams. I wish I could say I'm trying it for a noble reason, like self exploration or contemplating the void, but really I just want to be able to slap stupid people around while I'm asleep and have everyone worship me as supreme world leader. Hey, it may not be pretty, but at least I'm honest!

It's really strange trying to get started with it, as most of the work you do is while you are awake. You have to get in the habit of doing "reality checks" all the time to see if you are really awake or asleep. They are things that are simple to do when awake, like turning on a light, or reading a sentence twice to see if it changed, but in your dream you will know when they fail, thus you will know when you're asleep.

It has lead my girlfriend to think I may be crazy though, as I now have a sign above my computer that says "Could I be dreaming?" I swear, I do have a good grip on reality, I'm just trying to enforce the reality checks in my waking mind...

The rest of the work is simple; when you get ready to go to sleep, find something to focus on that you can use to remind yourself you are asleep. The common example is to look at your hands just before turning off the light and saying "When I'm asleep, I will look at my hands, and it will remind me that I'm dreaming". Then, when you are dreaming, if your dream leads you to look at your hands (pretty common really), you will remember that you are dreaming, and (hopefully) take control.

Anyway, I hope to get it working soon (it takes a lot of practice), I'll let you know how I do.

I hope everyone had a great holiday season, and wish you all a wonderful new year.

Dr S

Fuck it

2006-12-18T21:04:00.000-05:00

Hey, do you remember when I was able to keep up with posting a new poem or four, and a new entry every week? Me neither! I know at one point I had PLANNED on doing that, where the fuck did I go wrong?

So I spent like an hour trying to write something tonight, and pretty much everything was utter shit. I ended up getting really pissed off at myself, and scribbled out the two meager ones I just posted on the poetry blog. Sorry it's not more, but at this point I'm honestly thinking about just walking away altogether. Yeah, I know, how "tortured artist". Shit.

I guess for now, do whatever it is you love doing, because tomorrow you might find yourself completely incapable of stringing a few fucking words together. Seriously.

Dr S

One month...

2006-12-11T15:29:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a month since I've updated the ol' personal blog! Sorry guys!!!

Ummm... not much has really happened. Hope to have some new poetry up soon, but that's about it... Still kicking around ideas for another book...

So I'll tell you about some of the weird stuff that's happened lately. I found "Christmas Crunch" (the Chrismas version of Cap'n Crunch) at the store the other day. WOOHOO!!!! I'll have pics soon (I took some, but they were too low quality to share). I also FINALLY found the Jones' Soda Holiday Pack, in both "dinner" and "desert" versions... My thoughts are as follows...

Some things should never, ever, EVER be made into soda. This includes peas, dinner rolls, turkey and gravy, and (most importantly) antacid. The sweet potato was ok, but even that was a stretch... If you find the dinner pack, get it for the novelty, but don't expect too much from it.

The desert pack, however, rocked my world. The five "pie" flavors were apple, cherry, key lime, banana creme, and blueberry. All were delicious. Some of them even had a hint of crust flavor, and I have no clue how they did it. If you find the desert pack, snatch up three or four of them, you're gonna want it!

In the end, the best reason to buy either of these is that you are doing a good deed as well as getting soda. A percentage of the sales of the dinner pack get donated to Toys for Tots, and the desert pack goes to St Judes Children's Hospital. The goal is to raise $25,000 from the first, and $50,000 from the latter. Both are great causes, but you hopefully already know which one has a spot in my heart...

Moving on. I know I've mentioned before that I love working downtown, and I know I've mentioned that it is due to the freak show. Between "nude" PETA protestors (they weren't really nude), people doing crazy things to get a dollar from you, and the various nutjobs wandering around, you get a true sense that anything can happen down here. I'm sure it's similar in other cities, but in my town, downtown is just like a magical circus side show. Today's attraction: drunk Santa, wandering around wishing everyone a "Meeeewy Chwishmassssh". I watched him con the local popcorn shack into giving him some red and green carmel corn (for his "reindeer") and a soda, then he wandered the street for a while generally being a nuisance. It's really hard not to laugh when you see something like that... Thank goodness the kids are all in school right now though, I can't imagine how much seeing that would scar a small child!

In work related stuff... I agreed to let a couple of temps come in and help me with some side projects (they needed the work, and my department isn't paying for it, so how could I say no?). At first I was psyched to have some help to do the "crap" projects (I don't wanna do them, and I don't wanna waste my coworkers time either), but now I'm kinda wishing they would just go away. I miss working alone! I like knowing that I can accidentally let out a squeaker without worrying who heard me, and I hate feeling like there is someone standing right over my shoulder all the time... I can't wait until these projects get done so I can have my office back to myself! GRRRRR!!!

On my computer front, I finally started playing around with GiMP hardcore. GiMP is the open-source equivilant of Photoshop, and (in my opinion, having spent a few hours with both) is much more powerful, due to it being easy to modify. I will have some cool pictures up later, but for now just know that if you ever wanted to try manipulating images, now is the time to get in!

Dr S

More from MirrorMask

2006-11-10T15:54:00.000-05:00

Just thought I'd post some video links for you to see how cool this movie really is...

Helena and the Clock People
The Trailer

Also, if you hunt on Google Video, you can find the entire movie up (at least for now). If I could convince you to watch one movie, just once, it would be this one. That's saying a lot for me; I've seen many great movies in my lifetime...

Movies and games...

2006-11-10T11:06:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted much lately, I've been super busy lately. I'd like to say I was doing something constructive, but I wasn't. I've been watching bad movies and playing great video games.

Movies first. I don't have a huge DVD collection by any accounts, but I do have a number of movies I haven't seen yet. When I bought them, I had every intention to watch them, but then for some reason I didn't. So I started watching some of them on a portable DVD player in my free time. I'm glad I did, some of them are going to be sold, and others are going to be put on a shrine.

First up is Deal Alive. I've seen it before, but it's been many years, and I thought I'd watch it again. I'm so glad I did. If you're into bad horror movies like me, this movie redefined the genre. The main character is a girly mama's boy, who falls in love with a hot... I think she's supposed to be latin, but I'm not sure. Anyway, mom doesn't like it and tries to break them up... then gets bitten by a claymation rat monkey and turns into a zombie. She spreads the infection and... well, you just have to see it to believe it. The highlight of this movie is when Lionel (main character) straps a lawn mower to his chest and literally mows down the zombie hordes. Amazing.

Next up is a three pack I picked up many years back. It was only 5 dollars for three DVDs, which should have told me something, but since they were horror movies I thought maybe it'd be ok... It's a three pack of "zombie" movies, but they have a few problems. First, the zombies aren't really zombies (they don't eat braaaaaaaains), they're more like vampires (blood sucking bastards). In one of the three, there isn't even THAT, just a weird cult trying to resurrect a witch.

That's not the biggest problem though. The biggest problem, not mentioned ANYWHERE ON THE FREAKING BOX, is that they are all foreign films, which means that they are subtitled. I hate subtitles. They kill the mood of the movie; it just isn't scary when you have to read the bottom of the screen to find out what's going on.

On the plus side, two of the films are French. Why is this positive? French horror movies have nudity. Lots of nudity. Not nudity like in the US horror movies (topless heroines being chased, maybe a butt thrown in every now and then). Full. Frontal. Nudity. I may not understand what the hell is going on, but I do understand that the nekkid chick is gnawing on that other nekkid chicks leg. I love the French.

Even this comes with a price though; full frontal MALE nudity as well. I can live with it, but my finger is perpetually on the fast forward button in case they do a close up. Eeeeeew.

Ok, now for a non-zombie movie. MirrorMask. If you haven't seen or heard of this movie, don't feel bad, most people haven't. I only heard about it by accident; I was watching the now defunct TechTV, and they did an interview with some of the graphic designers on the film. There is a lot of CG in this movie, a LOT, and it shows how the technology can be used to make the unbelievable real.

The plot is a little thin, but you aren't seriously going to watch this movie for the plot are you? You watch it because it's beautiful, it stirs something deep inside your heart, and the images stay with you for a long time. Go rent it, and if your local video store doesn't have it, burn them down. No, don't really, just buy it off the net instead.

Here is the Mutant Review for MirrorMask. Read it to get a better idea of how great this movie is, then go rent or buy it. Go now, I'll wait...

Lalallaa... hmmmm... hrmmm...

Back? Ok, now watch it, and have your mind blown away.

Speaking of minds being blown, I've been playing some amazing games lately. First up is FFXII. I can't say much about it, I've just started in (only about 6 hours), but it's beautiful, fun, and the controls are pretty intuitive. If you have a PS2 and like RPGs, you should check this one out.

Then again, if you have a PS2, you should be playing Guitar Hero 2 instead. We were smart; my roommate pre-ordered this the first day it was available, so we had a copy the day it came out. He has already played every song on it. It is so much fun, there aren't even words for it... If you've ever wanted to live out your rockstar dreams, get this as soon as you can. If the first game is any indication, you might consider buying it online; when I bought the first one, I spent weeks searching the stores, but they sold out the same day they got the game in...

Favorite song so far is probably "Monkey Wrench" by the Foo Fighters; on normal it's easy, but on hard it's fun. I played Freebird last night (WOOT) and got a 5 out of 5 stars on my first attempt (and a leg cramp, it's hard to play a 10 minute song standing up!).

Well, I'm off to do something else unconstructive...

New sets of poems

2006-10-24T19:47:00.000-04:00

Sorry it's taken me so long to write more, my brain has been in shutdown mode lately. I know it's just seasonal depression, but that knowledge sure doesn't help shake it off. What's driving me even more crazy is that I really don't have anything to be down about, and I have a lot to be happy about, but the feeling still persists. Hopefully I'll get over it soon; lately I've been letting stupid things bother me, and have caught myself avoiding going to some of the places online that I used to enjoy so much. On the other hand... I have finally finished reading all of the episodes of MegaTokyo and am caught up on the story (I kinda forgot about it, and fell 200 episodes behind). Too bad it's so depressing, and I find myself identifying with Piro way too much.

You may notice that I named this post "New set of poems". That's because, for a while, I'll be mixing up the kinds of poems I'm doing. I was bored tonight, and started reading through some online confessionals, and was so inspired by it. Because of it, I'm going to start sharing some of these stories with you, in poem form. The feeling will be the same (as much as I can keep it that way), just with different words. I hope to bring their stories to you, so you can feel (even if just a little) how they felt. Since it is all posted anonymous, I don't have to worry about giving anyone's big secret away...

Of course, I'll still be writing too, and I might even slip in a few confessions of my own. The best part is that I'm not going to tell you which are which, so you don't waste your time worrying about me. Some will obviously not be me (for instance, I'm straight, and some are about being gay), but others are ones that could be applied to me. My biggest hope is that someone out there who is feeling the same thing won't feel like they are alone anymore. No matter what you're going through, there IS someone out there who has been there too, or is even there right now.

Even ifyou like granny porn (not sure if I'm going to write about that one, but I did read about it).

I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I have enjoyed writing them. Knowing that I'm helping give a voice to someone who needed it is very rewarding, and even though it won't always be easy, I know that it will always be worthwhile. And who knows, if I'm ever foolish enough to write another book, maybe I'll use this idea as the basis for it... ;)

Wow, uberbusy!

2006-10-12T20:34:00.000-04:00

Hello again friends! Two posts in one day!!!

A lot has happened since I wrote earlier, so I'd better share it. First, book sales are doing pretty good. 6 copies have been shipped, with more waiting (I don't find out a book is sold until it's been shipped). I'm well on my way to making the $90 to have the book put into "global distribution", which means it can be sold at regular bookstores!

I've had quite a few telephone calls tonight from local friends (and some family) who have ideas for marketing the book, and they're all really exciting! I think that the most in depth one is from my aunt, who is helping me get into one of the three local papers (the other two are small town papers, so they're easy), and is going to help me get sold in some of the local coffee shops too! Woohoo!!!

As for the rest of you, there are things you can do too! If you like the book, tell your friends, let them read a bit, and maybe they'll want it too!!! :)

Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered

2006-10-12T12:26:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been a while since I've updated, so I guess I'd better do so now! A lot has happened!!

Ok, a week after destroying my dumpster, I finally heard back from my garbage company. When they were emptying it the last time, they forgot to secure it, so it FELL IN the truck and was crushed before they realized what happened. How did they forget to check that???

So, we worked out a deal for them to bring a smaller garbage can as a replacement, and cut my bill almost in half. Sweet! Except... they didn't bring it. Another week went by until they brought the replacement (it was supposed to be brought the same day). It's great to see how reliable they are!

I had a tooth get infected this week. It sucked! Instead of going in right away though, I waited. Dumb move! I finally went yesterday, and it was bad. Bad bad. They had to pull three teeth (the infection spread), and told me that had I let it go another 12 hours the infection could have spread either up to my brain or down into my throat. Damn!

So, they yanked three teeth out. Ouch. Right now I'm vaguely drugged, enough that it doesn't hurt, but I'm not in happy happy land either. Maybe if I mixed some whiskey or something with it. Mmmm, happy happy pill land... But even though I'm not blitzed yet, some things are feeling kinda disconnected, which is fun for me! Watching movies like this is fun!!!

Which brings me back to the title. If you don't recognize it, it's the opening line from "Labyrinth". It has created in me a NEW fear, the most scary thing I can think about right now: David Bowie in tight spandex. Damn, all I can see is Bowie's package, it's almost mesmerizing, and incredibly scary. Eeeeew. Why did they think that it was a good idea???

Well, I'm going to try to slurp down some soup, so I can take more pills soon...

Claustrostrophic

2006-10-05T12:24:00.000-04:00

No, I didn't spell that wrong, I didn't mean claustrophobic. I know, it isn't a real word. Deal with it...

I think I'm going crazy. I know, it happens every year, but every year it seems a little worse. I can't even begin to describe why, but I don't know how many more years of this I can take. My heart has been pounding for days now, even though I'm not under any more stress than usual, and I swear if it keeps this up it's not going to make it. I've been shaky, I can't sleep, and sometimes I've been throwing up everything I eat. I hate this. Seriously, I just want to lock myself up and hide until March. No wonder animals hibernate every year...

If you've never dealt with seasonal issues, consider yourself lucky. Maybe I'm just more in tune with nature, the sun and the earth, or maybe there is a wire that's slightly crossed. I dunno. Maybe there is just a small worm in my head that lives off of sunlight and brainwaves, and since there is less and less sunlight it has to absorb more and more of my brainwaves. It's no more absurd than any other theory...

Unda Da Zee

2006-10-04T20:11:00.000-04:00

Just a quickie tonight. A number of people say that they have never SEEN The Little Mermaid, and even though they think they know how bad it is to have stuck in your head, they haven't had to personally face the horror. At least, not yet... So, I submit for you, the ultimate in torture...

A brief clip

Consider yourself lucky, I could have linked to the whole song...

Swirling vortex of evil

2006-09-29T09:30:00.000-04:00

Well, I usually don't like to post two things so close together, but I just HAVE to share this with you. Last night I accidentally opened up a portal to a new level of hell.

Now, I know what you're thinking. How could someone accidentally do that, unless they were on Mars? Well, I don't know HOW I did it, but I know that there was some evil force at work.

I was sleeping. It's a good thing to be doing late at night, really, you should try it. I woke up around 3:00, and was really thirsty. No problem, I always keep a giant mug of water by my bed, because I get thirsty a lot. I have a drink of water, roll over and try to go back to sleep.

Instead of falling asleep, I found myself thinking about different things. I'm trying to find an idea for another book (yes, already), so I started going over some of the potential stories in my head.

And then it happened. I'd like to say I was thinking about something dark, like Aleister Crowley, but I wasn't. I can't remember what I was thinking about, but just that quickly a portal to a newly-opened level of hell appeared in my mind. And it took a very scary form...

Songs from The Little Mermaid.

Let the horror sink in for a second. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fall back asleep (or to do ANYthing for that matter) when all you can hear is "Unda de see, unda de see!"? Let me tell you, it's impossible. Completely impossible.

I can think of no worse punishment than spending an eternity forced to listen to that. Shudder!

Super bored...

2006-09-28T19:55:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, I was sitting around here, tired of surfing the net (whoa, amazing!), so decided that maybe I should put an update out there for y'all! So... nothing much has happened, now you're up to date!

Ok, sorry, I won't be an ass anymore...

I sent out a big e-mail the other night to people who don't regularly read my blog (some don't want to, some don't have time, some just didn't know about it!). I let them all know that the book was out, and that they should buy LOTS of copies. :) That story is boring, but I told you that so I can tell you this: I actually got some replies that surprised me! One, from one of my college teachers, really bothered me. She asked if there was a way to get the poems without reading the blog, as it made her blush, and was above PG-13. I'm assuming she didn't even GET this far, had she read about my copyrights she would have fainted! What is funnier (to me) is that my GRANDMOTHER reads my poetry blog and has said that she didn't have an issue with the language. Thankfully, she's not very computer literate, so she hasn't found THIS blog yet!

I use some rather gruff language on here. I'm the first to admit it, and I'll tell you why too: it works! People know what I mean. I'm not talking at a level "above" you, being pretentious and self-righteous, I'm using the same language that people "out there" are using. In this instance, I'm assuming that out there is on a boat full of sailors, but still. :)

I like to swear in my poetry. Why? Because! There are many things that, in my mind, make something a poem. It has "qualifications" if you will. It's always written using high-speech, no profanity, and half the words I have to look up in a dictionary. That, in my mind, is why so many people hate poetry. I admit that what I write breaks a lot of the rules of poetry, and een had a period of second-guessing how many rules it was ok to break, but if I have to break every single poetry "rule" ever written to make it accessible to everyone, I will.

Another reason I swear so much in my poems is that it fits. The emotion and mood I was trying to set are complimented by the swearing, and you have a much better handle on HOW I felt about something. I don't believe in subtle poetry, it just isn't my style, I believe in shoving my message as far down your throat as I possibly can. Mmmm, sexy!

Let me give you an example comparison. This is from "You Knew", one I put up a while back:

"You knew I was fucked up"

Originally it said:

"You knew that I had issues"

See how different those lines are? Just that extra push takes me from having "issues" (aww, look at the sweet little issues) to being "fucked up" (whoa, don't mess with THAT!). It drives my point home so much stronger...

But why do I swear on HERE? There isn't any need to, I just do it because I can, and it's funny (usually). I can still use it to drive my point home, or to distract you from something, or whatever I need at the time, but to be honest sometimes I just do it because I can! :)

Now, go back and re-read this whole entry. You'll notice that I used the word "ass" once, and "fuck" twice. That's all I swore. Now, ass isn't really even a swear word anymore, it's just a statement (You ass), a body part (Nice ass!), and a goal (I want a piece of ass). Both times I said "fuck" were in the example, so they shouldn't count...

Since I have a swear quota, I'd better get this out of the way before calling it a night:
Fuckfuckshitfuckbitchdammitmotherfuckingshite!

So, quick poll, for those who comment. Aside from hate speech (racial slurs, homophobic, etc), what swear words really BOTHER you? What is your FAVORITE?

For me, there aren't any swear words that I take offense to. No, really. If I had to name one, I'd say boobs, but only because it makes the person saying it sound stupid, and it isn't even fun to type (like tits is!). My favorite: fuck. Seriously, I use the word fuck so much that I should have to pay royalties! Some days (when it's busy at work), I can be heard saying:

Fuck fuck motherfucking fuckie fucks!

Yes, I know, it's dumb, but so much fun to say! Go ahead boys and girls, try it at home! :)

Book Finally Released!

2006-09-25T21:37:00.000-04:00

Click the image to order!

Pictures, and sadness

2006-09-25T11:51:00.000-04:00

Well, another Monday, another blog post. Today I have a couple of pictures to share. Sorry for the shitty quality, it's from my cell phone camera...

Admit it, you SO wish you were me right now! That behind me is the final (I hope) copy of the book cover! In this instance, I'm glad that my cell cam sucks, now you'll just have to wait until the book comes out to see a high quality version of it. I hope it's soon, the anticipation is killing me!

If you've never tried it before, let me share something with you: it is really frickin hard to take your own photo with a cell phone, especially if you don't want your arm to show! I was looking directly into the viewfinder, although it doesn't look like it above... Wow, I hope I don't really LOOK like that!!!

Still waiting on the book to come in, hopefully tonight it will be there when I get home.

Do I have the coolest girlfriend or what? She saw this while she was out shopping, and thought of me (she knows me well), so she picked it up for me. Thanks sweetie!

I don't really like Pez (tastes like sugary chalk to me), but I love Pez dispensers! Especially HALLOWEEN Pez dispensers!!! Halloween is my favorite holiday, it blows all the other stupid holidays out of the water... If you haven't been reading along yet, go check out the Halloween Countdown on http://x-entertainment.com. You'll be glad you did!

Ok, that's all my happy news, now for the sad news. This weekend I lost my little girl ferret, after a long battle with cancer. Let me tell you a little about her.

She had a spirit that was unstoppable, no matter what the odds. Her first owner was both abusive and neglectful. He didn't feed them enough, and when I first came in contact with her she barely weighed as much as a 6-month old ferret (she was over 2 years). I was very concerned about bringing her into my house at the time; she was from an "established" group, leaving by herself to be with a ferret who had been raised alone (he was roughly a year and a half at the time). Plus, the cage I had was really built for a single ferret only, it wasn't big enough for two...

But I couldn't resist her cute little nose, and I knew it would be good for my male (Tanuki) to have some companionship, since I worked long strange hours. So, she came home with me, and the other two in her family were also adopted out to good homes, and were being raised the way a ferret should, finally.

Well, ferrets don't always go as planned... She was vaguely litter trained, so if she felt like being good she would use her box, otherwise she would go wherever she felt. I worked a long time with her on training, but she never quite "got" it. Sometimes, I thougth she was being tricky on purpose (ferrets will do that!), by going right in FRONT of her litter box. What a little devil.

I named her Kawaii, which is a Japanese word for "precious little one". It seemed to fit her so well...

Tanuki, at first, was NOT happy about the new roommate. He didn't understand why he couldn't use HIS cage anymore (and didn't want to even TRY the new cage out), nor did he understand what that wierd furry thing wandering around was. You have to understand, he was raised an only ferret. He was old enough to be set in his ways, and stubborn, and it had been so long since he had seen another ferret he wasn't sure how to act. He also didn't realize that he should fight back; she kicked his ass many times, and he just took it!

Well, after a while, things calmed down, and they became good friends. It was so nice to see them hoping around after each other, running and playing like happy little ferrets.

Then, in March (I think it was March, I can't remember), after she had been with us for over a year, she got this strange sore on her neck. I thought that maybe they had been rough-housing too much, so didn't think it was a big deal, just kept an eye on it so it didn't get infected. But it didn't get better. I took her to the vet for her annual physical (good timing!), he looked at it, ran a few tests, and told me it was cancerous. He then told me that it was too late to cut it out, and they would have to do chemotherapy on it. He also said that it was very expensive, painful, and that there was a good chance that it wouldn't help.

Well, I took it much harder than the ferrets did. They couldn't understand why I was so upset, but they did try to cheer me up. It took a while, but I finally decided that it would be best for her just to let it go, rather than put her through all that pain for no good reason.

Those who have spoken with me online know that one of our favorite things to do was for her to sit on my lap while I was working on my computer. Sometimes she'd watch, sometimes she'd try to help (which led to some interesting chats!), and sometimes she'd just take a nap. I could never do this with my male, he's too energetic and playful to sit in my lap for more than a few seconds...

Over the past few months I've had to watch as she got weaker, and normal things got harder for her to do. Her back legs started giving out, and sometimes she had to drag them around behind her. Once, she got stuck in her bed overnight, and there was a big mess to clean up the next morning. She started sleeping down at the very bottom of the cage (it was easiest for her to get to), and lost a lot of weight (for a ferret).

Saturday, sometime during the day, she went to sleep next to her bed, and didn't wake up.

I think the first day, for me, was the worst. Tanuki got out to play, and he kept looking around for her, then going back to the cage to wake her up to play. It didn't hit him right away that she wasn't there anymore.

Yesterday, and this morning, have been very rough on him. He will look around a little for her, but I think he knows what happened. He barely gets out of bed, just to eat and use the bathroom, then crawls right back in. He doesn't want to come out to play, and won't even eat a treat (he's normally such a pig!). In ferrets, like in humans, life-long friendships are made, and he's dealing with his first loss of a friend. I understand now why three is the perfect number of ferrets; if they lose one, they still have each other to fall back on during the initial times, and it will be easier to introduce another ferret later on...

Right now, I'm just not sure what to do. I think it's too soon for him (and me) to bring another one in, but I hate seeing him so depressed and lonely. I'm also concerned that he might not take well to another ferret right now, and would hate to start a life-long hatred by trying to help.

It's fair to say I also miss my friend. Checking e-mails and surfing the internet just isn't the same without her sitting there with me, and I think it will take a long time for that to feel normal again.

On copyright, Mickey Mouse, and chili

2006-09-22T08:08:00.000-04:00

Good morning friends! What a beautiful day it is today! The rain has stopped (for now), everything is slightly soggy, and the first copy of my book was shipped yesterday. If the USPS stays as efficient as always, I should have it by tomorrow. Oh, who am I kidding, I can't keep that up... It'll probably be Monday or Tuesday before it gets here, assuming they don't lose it, or ship it to Alaska instead. No wonder I prefer to do everything by e-mail!

You may have noticed a new link on my sidebar. It goes to Defective-By-Design, a company that is protesting Digital Rights Management (DRM). What is DRM you ask?

DRM can be used on ANY digital media that you purchase. This includes music and movies purchased over the internet, as well as CDs and DVDs. It restricts what you can do with what you have purchased, including stripping away your right to maintain a backup copy, and your right to view that media in any format you choose, using any system you choose. Why should you care? If you buy, for instance, a DVD that has DRM that isn't supported by your home DVD player, you have NO LEGAL MEANS to change it into a format that will allow you to view it, and since most places won't take returns on opened media, you are stuck with an expensive coaster.

I have to deal with issues regarding this all the time. As you know, I don't use Windows, I use Linux (and love it). However, often I find that the DRM on my DVDs won't allow me to play them on my laptop or desktop computers, because I don't have Windows Media Player installed (duh, it's not Windows!). It should be very simple to decode the DRM so that it is playable on my computer, and it is, but it is also illegal. Think about that: it is illegal for me to play media that I bought because their system is not set up to work with mine.

What is worse is that most of you have ALREADY agreed to a similar license that is even more restrictive, when you installed Windows. When you bought the Windows software (or, if it came preinstalled, when you bought the computer) you paid for it, probably a few hundred dollars. That would lead you to believe that you OWNED said software. Nope, you didn't read your EULA (End User License Agreement) closely, did you? It states very clearly that you paid for a license to operate and install the software, but that Microsoft retains ownership. How did you miss that? Well, most EULAs for Windows-based software are very long, and confusing to even people who are trained in reading contracts. You probably just clicked "OK", and didn't even think about it.

So what? What's the worst that can happen??? Well, think about it for a second: you don't own the software that is running your computer. If they choose to, Microsoft can view every activity you do on their software, as they are the owner. They can decide to revoke your license, without needing a reason, and you have to remove their software from your system, even though you paid for it, and you won't get a refund. Even worse, they can revoke your license without telling you, and then sue you for failure to comply. Is anyone starting to understand why I got away from Windows now?

Will they? Probably not. It's a worst case scenario, for sure. But if Snakes On A Plane taught me anything, it's to plan for worst case scenarios thoroughly. :)

Of course, you can't talk DRM without talking copyright. Copyright, as it stands, is the scourge of modern existence. It restricts us from using other people's work as the foundation for our own. Man, why would ANYone say that this was a good idea?

Well, they didn't. Copyright (in the US) was established by the Constitution, it was considered that important. The purpose? "...to promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries." I couldn't have said it better.

Re-read that, and think about modern copyright law. "To promote the progress", that's pretty clear. "For limited times" is even MORE clear, even though today "limited times" means "the life of the author, plus seventy years". No, seriously, that is the legal length a copyright exists for. To help compare, it was originally only 28 years MAXIMUM.

Why is copyright so messed up? I blame Mickey Mouse. Seriously, I blame Mickey Mouse. Every time Mickey comes to the end of the copyright, the time that he SHOULD be entering the public domain, copyright law is somehow magically extended again. Disney magic at work! That sweet mouse is kinda seeming like a rat bastard now, isn't he?

So, I decided that I would copyright some things too. I mean, after all, I want MY works protected too! I decided to start at my book. From here on in, "July" is copyrighted. If you wish to use this word in any publications, you must first contact me for approval. I have a very clear case here, too, July is a big part of my book, and needs to be protected from infringement!

Next, I'm copyrighting the phrase "That sucks". Hey, Paris Hilton should try this too! It's fun! Before you think I'm talking crazy, you should know this: Fox News has copyrighted "Fair and Balanced". I'll just call it my trademark like they did, and we'll be fine!

Finally, the big one. I'm copyrighting the functions of the female orgasm. I have done much research on it, and my work must be protected! Ladies, from here on, you are not allowed to have an orgasm without first contacting me and asking for approval. I will tell you now, don't even bother unless you will be thinking about me during it, I will turn you down.

Ok, that last one is a little far out there, right? RIGHT??? Well... no. Scientists are currently copyrighting sections of our DNA, the very stuff that makes us US. What it means is simple: scientist monkeys, working in labs, OWN part of you. They own it. Think about that, let it sink in. THEY OWN the BUILDING BLOCKS of YOUR EXISTENCE. FUCK!

No, I'm not really copyrighting these things. But the fact that I conceivable COULD copyright them is scary. It's even scarier to think that, someone with less morals and more energy than me one day WILL copyright them. All I ask is for license rights to the third one... :)

My work is copyrighted. I admit it freely too, I'm not ashamed to say that it has had copyright protection applied to it. Everything you are reading on both blogs, as well as the book, are protected by law. But it is a far cry from the copyright that is on that dirty rat Mickey. My protection is the "Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5" license. It's a mouthful, but it says everything it needs to!

What can you do with my work? You can copy, distribute, display, and perform it, as well as make derivative works (works based on it). The only restrictions are that you must give me credit "in a manner specified by the author" (just say somewhere that I wrote the original, and I'll be cool), you can't use it for commercial reasons (only I can do that, I need the money!), and if you redistribute my work (which is totally cool) with or without changes, you MUST grant the next users the same rights I have given you. Pretty cool, eh? In fact, if you click the license at the very bottom of the page, you can view both a summary of your rights (which I just gave you), and also the full "legal" definition of your rights. Let's see the mouse do THAT for you!

Finally, we must talk about chili. It's chili season. Everywhere near me that sells soup has started selling chili. Chili is everywhere! I love chili!!!!

Tonight, I'm making my annual pot of chili. This will be the first time my room mate has ever made chili, so I'm teaching him tonight as well. For those who have never made chili, let me tell you how easy it is. First, go to the store. Buy things that you think would go good in chili. Seriously. I don't have a recipe, I never have, I just buy things that I think would make a great chili. Some examples include beans (duh), beef, chili powder, onions, garlic, peppers, and cheese (gotta have cheese on the top!). Some examples to stay away from include chocolate (yes, I have had chocolate chili, it wasn't good), gummi bears, and tuna. Then, go home, brown your meat, chop your veggies, and throw it all into a pot. Cook. Eat. Yum! I add one extra step, and would suggest it to everyone who wants their chili to be at its best: rest overnight. This gives the ingredients in the chili a chance to get to know one another, and form permanent (and tasty) friendships. I call it bonding, you can call it whatever you want...

Have a great (and tasty) day!

Waiting, hoping, and reticience

2006-09-19T19:25:00.000-04:00

Well, tonight I finally did it. I submitted all of my files to Lulu, and ordered the first copy. It should be here in 3 - 5 days, so hopefully by next week I can approve everything and put it up for sale. Woohoo!!!!

Everything looked good in the preview, it didn't mess up my fonts at all, the cover wasn't cut off, and nothing was changed from my original files. Assuming that the printed one looks the same, all I have to do is look for any edits that I missed. Seeing as I've been over this text around 20 times now, there shouldn't be too much to fix.

I did have one (really BAD) freak out about the layout, just a few minutes ago. I had already ordered the book, because it looked good on my laptop. Just for shits, I downloaded the PDF file on my desktop to see how it looked there. One of my fonts (I only use two) had been replaced by all of these symbols! Talk about scary!!!! So, after I changed into clean undies, I shut my desktop PC down and loaded into Windows XP (yes, I do have it loaded, only for my iPod). I bring the file up there, and (thankfully) everything was fine. I'm not sure why my desktop doesn't like the file, but I think I just lost one or two of my extra lives on that...

To be honest, I'm still not quite sure about the book. I have been reading a lot on writing good poetry (and on writing bad poetry too!), and it seems like a lot of my stuff just doesn't quite fit the bill for the first category. Too much of it falls into the second one! I guess I'm just getting nervous again...

On life, death, and July.

2006-09-18T18:58:00.000-04:00

Well friends, I'm afraid I'm not feeling very wity tonight. I hope you don't mind me not being funny, I guess I'm just not there right now. Sorry!

I'm depressed. There are different reasons, but I think part of it is the time of year. For those who read my poetry too, go back and re-read "Fall", and you'll understand a bit more. When fall comes, I get depressed, and I don't know why. It sucks, it happens every year, and every year it seems to be a little bit worse. I wish I knew what to do about it, but I can't seem to break out of it enough to care.

Another part of the problem is my dreams. I've been having crazy dreams lately, and I've woken up in tears way too often lately. Some of them are really strange, I could keep a shrink in business for YEARS trying to figure them out. What's worse is that I remember them, all day long, and they continue to bring me down until I go to sleep again. What kind of life is this?

I've been thinking about death a lot lately (no, not mine, put down the phone). This is normal for me, I always think about death a lot, but for some reason it's different now. Instead of thinking about death vaguely, in terms of what it is, I've been thinking about it in terms of personal loss. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I miss my friends, and I'm so tired of funerals. I've been the "survived by" for so many people, sometimes I wonder if there will be anyone left to survive me.

Finally, I'm depressed, and scared, and excited, and so many other feelings that it's hard to describe. The book is almost done. The cover is finished, and it looks amazing! Rebecca Edwards Wilson did such a great job on it, I can't wait to show it to you all. Well, actually I'm GOING to wait to show it to you! Hahaha!

I'm doing one final edit on the text to make sure that it is exactly what I want, then I'll be sending it off to the printer to have a test copy run. Yeah, we're seriously that close to being done! I've got to be honest though, I'm really torn about it. There's part of me that says it still isn't good enough, and part of me that really doesn't want to release it to anyone else. Anyone who has had children, I think, knows what I mean with this; for so long, this book has been my life (to the regret of my girlfriend), I've poured every last piece of me into its pages, and now that the end is in site, I'm not sure that I want to let it go. What will I do now???

I have (finally) come up with a (kind of) solution to the problem of having the books autographed. It's two-fold, so bear with me...

If you live in the US or Canada: order the book and have it shipped to you. Read it (no, really, READ IT, there's some good stuff in there). When you're ready, ship it to Rebecca Wilson (send me an e-mail, I'll give you the address) with $5 to cover the postage (we'll cover shipping it from her to me, the $5 is to ship it from me back to you). I hate to ask, but I'm (quite literally some days) a starving artist, and I just can't afford the postage. Anyway, she'll sign it, send it on to me, I'll sign it, use your $5 to package it back to you, and you'll have a personalized copy of my book! And yes, it will be different to each person, I'm not going to use a stamp or anything (so lame that authors do that).

If you live OUSIDE the US or Canada: order the book, but have it shipped to Rebecca Wilson. Send me an e-mail with your address (to let me know you ordered, to know where I'm sending it, and to get Rebecca's address). I'll figure out what the shipping will be and let you know...

Of course, if you DON'T want a personalized copy (think of my poor writing hand!), that's cool too, you can order it and just have it shipped to you (anywhere in the world). My feelings won't be hurt, honest, I'll be so happy that you're reading it! :)

Ok guys, I feel a little better now, and I have a TON of work left to do, so ta-ta for now!

Clear up cornfusion

2006-09-13T12:51:00.000-04:00

Ok, I kinda confused the mentalpausal with my last post, so I'll try to answer any questions that have popped up:

I don't want a foreskin made out of turkey bologne, I just want my original one back.

Malt-O-Meal is perfectly safe and tasty, as long as you don't stick your finger into it right after it is finished cooking. It tastes kinda chocolatey, and... I dunno how to describe it, just go buy a box, it's dirt cheap. I'm not sure that mixing it with turkey bologne is a good idea, unless your mind is not functioning properly due to pain, or heavy sedatives.

The fight with the co-worker is resolved, I think, but it isn't a clear cut thing: Neither of us is really right or wrong, it's just different. Dammit, why can't life be like TV? Every issue should be started, peak, and solved within 30 minutes, or an hour if it's really difficult (like extensive surgery).

Speaking of surgery, I'm going to cut my nose off if I don't quit sneezing soon. Allergies suck ass...

Changes

2006-09-13T10:00:00.000-04:00

Well, I decided to make some changes around here, upgrading the templates for both of my blogs. The visible changes are slight, but the changes for my end are enormous. The biggest change: I don't have to edit the HTML to make changes to my template anymore (such as adding a link, etc), I can just click and drag it where I want now. Woohoo!!! Why can't everything be this easy?

For those who have not taken the plunge to upgrading their blogs to the new BetaBlogger (I hope they change that name, it's fucking dumb), I'd highly advise it. The pros far outweigh the cons, and it isn't that hard to learn the little changes. Hey, if nothing else, make a new account and upgrade that, just to see if you like it or not. Seriously, I love it so much: they have added a ton of functionality without removing any, and the only glitch I've run into is when I'm trying to comment (or be commented on) with a non-upgraded account.

In other changes, I'm going to be deleting some of the blogs in my links; they haven't been updated since they were started, and they're cluttering up my beautiful streamlining. :) If you have a blog linked over there, and I remove it, it's because you haven't posted since you started a month or more ago...

New Blog!

2006-09-13T09:21:00.000-04:00

I don't usually talk much to you, my wonderful readers, and there are good reasons for that. I want my poetry blog to be a place where the writing can really be the focus, not my inner thoughts. I've found that most blogs are really, REALLY fucking boring, and you don't really care what kind of soup I had for lunch (it was chicken dumpling). Mainly, my mind usually is going to a hundred different places at once, which doesn't make for good reading, and.... oooh, shiny object.

Tonight I wanted to try writing you, partially to blow off some steam, partially to ease the hurt in my wounds, but mainly I'm bored and not tired yet. Hey, at least I'm not lying to you! I hope you get a good laugh out of it, as I know that I am now (in retrospect).

So I had one of those days today. I got to work an hour early to try to catch up, only to find two hours worth of work came in after I left yesterday. One of the main computer systems I use wasn't working, and after spending 45 minutes on the phone with tech support, and resetting my computer a few times, it finally started working. I'd like to talk to you Windows users for a second (I use Linux, and yes I DO feel superior, thanks for asking!). Why the FUCK do you put up with such an unstable system? When the system is so crappy that you have to restart it MULTIPLE FUCKING TIMES just to get it to run for a bit, don't you stop and ask yourself "Maybe something is amiss"? I mean, COME THE FUCK ON! In comparrison (dammit, I still don't know how to spell that), I have not rebooted my computer in two months, and (in the intervening time) have done many updates to the core OS (multiple reboots for Windows users), have recompiled the source code to add some new bits of hardware in (you can't do that, be jealous!), and have even SWAPPED OUT FUCKING PARTS, without shutting down or rebooting once. The reason I rebooted last time: I had to load into Windows for a few minutes to load my iPod with some new songs (I know I can do it through Linux, but I haven't had the time to learn how yet).

Ok, computer is working good, I'm finally getting some work done. My watch breaks. I'm feeling happy again, with visions of getting caught up for once dancing through my head. Didja catch that second sentence? Because I didn't notice it until I looked down and part of my watch band was on the floor... Fuck!

I'm gonna fast forward quite a bit here, you don't want to know how boring my job really is, but let's just say that it was really busy again today. As in, I might go in even earlier tomorrow to try to get everything left from today done. Yargh!

Ok, so it's later in the afternoon, and I'm in a big fight with a co-worker. A fight that lasts over an hour. I'm not giving details, but it was gruesome, and I'm not sure who won (if either of us). I only mention it because I'm feeling pretty shitty about it, so now you can too. Thanks reader! :)

I get home, with only one goal in mind: exterminating mankind. I've been playing "Destroy All Humans" for about a week now, and it's one of the best games I've ever played! How can you not love a game where the whole premise is that you're an alien who wants to kill off humanity? WOOT! Sadly for me, I just couldn't get into it, and after having been killed a lot, I gave up.

So I'm sitting in my living room, not sure what to do. I turn on the tv for a bit, thinking that maybe there is something new on. The only new thing was wrestling, and dammit I was so bored that I watched it. I was reliving my childhood, remembering some of the characters, recognizing familiar actors playing new characters, and generally having a good time. Ladies: wrestling is for men what soap operas are for women. WOOT! I watched for quite a bit before I realized something: I wasn't watching the WWF that I grew up with (or WWE or whatever they are now). I was watching the newer ECW, but it has WWF characters in it... Ummm? Ok, kinda confused, so I put it on mute, and just enjoyed watching them beat each other up.

I was kinda hungry, not enough for a sandwich or anything, just enough for something small, and I went on a cupboard raid. If you've ever seen my cupboards, you know why this is an iffy proposition. I settled on chocolate Malt-O-Meal. I think I'm the only one out there who likes it, I have like 4 boxes of it in my cupboards, and a secret stash under my bed. You touch my Malt-O-Meal, you DIE! :) Tonight, though, was the night that my Malt-O-Meal abandoned me. I made a bowl, not measuring (I know the proportions by eye, I've made that much in my life). Pop it in the microwave for a minute, watch men beat each other with chairs, stir, another 45 seconds, slight blood on tv, stir, 30 seconds left, commercial break, and done. The commercial, by the way, was a tampon commercial. Those rank in my top 5 most hated commercial subjects, and I think there should be mandatory punishment for anyone creating (or, even worse, starring) in one. Sorry for the aside...

So I pull my wonderfully hot bowl of delicious chocolate goodness from the microwave, take it into the living room, and sit down, putting the bowl on my coffee table. In the process, I stick my smallest finger into the flesh searingly hot goop, up to my second knuckle. I had a cartoon moment, where it took a few seconds to realize what I had done, and another few seconds for the pain to start. If you have never had your finger dipped in chocolate Malt-O-Meal, imagine this: sand, that's wet, and hot enough to make you swear off beaches forever. Now imagine that on your genitals. Or, in my case, little finger.

After swearing at my Malt-O-Meal, and sucking my finger clean (hey, Malt-O-Meal tastes good, even when it's on your finger and scalding you), I tried to remember what you are supposed to do when you burn your finger in chocolate goop. I thought that maybe you should do something that involved cold foods, to balance out the hot foods... Makes logical sense, and I'd like to see you think of something better after burning your only right pinkie. So, looking in the fridge, I grabbed the first cold, flexible food I could find: turkey bologne.

It's a proven fact that nobody eats the stuff on purpose, so I figured that maybe THIS was it's use. So I wrapped my finger in a slice of turkey bologne, and glued it shut using a bit of mayonaise (yummy!). Picture this: I'm sitting there on the couch, with part of a sandwich wrapped around my burnt finger, slightly more hungry than I was earlier, watching wrestling. I thought maybe something was wrong there, so I switched from wrestling to Penn & Tellers Bullshit. It was about circumcision (sp?). Grumbling stomach, sandwich on finger, and I couldn't remember why nobody likes turkey bologne, so I try a nibble. Just a nibble, from the edge.

Tastes pretty good really, especially with the chocolate Malt-O-Meal. I went in for another nibble, then a bite, then I went for the gusto and took a big chomp out of it. It was at this point I realized two things: one, it was still wrapped around my finger, and two, my finger was again in my mouth, only now with teeth! Stupid turkey bologne, now I know why everybody hates you...

I finally start getting into the show, watching how they circumcise babies (graphically, might I add), and them talking about the benefits of not doing it, and I had a revelation. I want my fucking foreskin back! Dammit, it sounds like something EVERYbody should have! Well, at least all the guys. They even showed how to grow in a NEW foreskin, but I'm too lazy for all that work. Plus, they demonstrated with an old man's penis (seriously), which kinda looked like my turkey bologne/Malt-O-Meal finger. Eeew. At least that took care of my appetite.

And now, I'm tired enough for sleep. Good night!